


Men at Work

by mtothedestiel



Series: Love, Sex, and Paperwork [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Office, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Labor Day special, M/M, Parks and Rec AU, Sexual Humor, TV Tropes, Thor Is Not Stupid, Thor is a beautiful man, Threesome - M/M/M, Volunteer Work, its gross, landscaping, steve and bucky love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:56:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4824521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtothedestiel/pseuds/mtothedestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Love, Sex and Paperwork Labor Day special.  Parks Director Steve Rogers and former Sergeant Bucky Barnes spend their Labor Day volunteering at a local park.  There are no ulterior motives involved.  [looks into the camera]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Men at Work

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, I've missed this 'verse. As usual, come for the Stucky, stay for the Winterthundershield crack. A quick refresher, the fic is written in a loose television script format, with [brackets] around stage directions and closed brackets [] to indicate a cut away to an interview, a la the real Parks and Rec. Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. [SPOILER] The threesome I tagged for does not involve any infidelity, or consent issues. Just good clean municipal government fun.

[Labor Day in America, Illinois. Parks Department Director Steve Rogers gestures broadly at a medium expanse of lawn, centered around a small pond. There is a well kept playground, a gravel walking path with several wooden benches, and a public restroom.]

Steve: And here we are in the beautiful Van Dyne Park, the crown jewel of America’s municipal recreation centers.   Bucky and I are spending our Labor Day in the best way possible: improving our parks for the future enjoyment of our hardworking citizens. There are a lot of minor repairs to make, as well as work to do to prepare the landscaping for the chilly Illinois winter.

[]

[Former Sergeant Barnes reclines on a bench while Director Rogers gives the preliminary tour. He is wearing a ragged pair of jeans and an expensive pair of Ray-bans.]

Bucky: What is the real meaning of Labor Day? Some would say taking advantage of the day off and sleeping in. I don’t sleep, so I wouldn’t know about that.

Interviewer:…

Bucky: That being said, I certainly don’t have any problem with helping out at the park with my best guy. We’ll help wrap some topiary, spread some gravel, plant some bulbs…

[]

[From a storage shed by the public bathroom emerges very muscular and beautiful man. He is dressed in a snug t-shirt and well worn jeans, a flannel shirt tied around his waist and heavy work boots on his feet. His long golden hair falls unrestrained to the middle of his back, flowing in the wind like the cover of a harlequin romance. He is Thor, the park groundskeeper. Upon spotting Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes, his volunteers for the day, Thor beams, dropping his armload of shovels to clasp each man’s forearm before wrapping them both in a powerful, and perhaps overly intimate embrace. Neither Director Rogers nor former Sergeant Barnes appear to object to the groundskeeper’s comfortable physicality.]

[]

Bucky: [watching as Thor bends over to retrieve his shovels from the ground] Yeah, you know, Steve and I are just really eager to do our part.

[]

Thor: [holding about seventy-five pounds of gardening equipment under one arm with ease] I am Thor. I am the caretaker of these recreational lands, as well as the water fountains and sidewalks surrounding. I have many responsibilities, but I find the manual labor is no challenge, and the joy on small children’s faces as they enjoy the fruits of my hard work is very gratifying.

[Thor wipes unseen sweat from his brow, and from somewhere pulls a reusable water bottle. He takes a long drink, uncaring of the few drops that spill over and splatter onto his sculpted chest.]

Thor: Are you well? Your cheeks have reddened very suddenly.

Interviewer: [faintly, while fanning self] I’m…fine…

[]

Steve: [voice cracking] Th-Thor- [clears throat] Thor is… a great guy, and an _admirable_ city employee. He’s a hard worker, and a great team player. He always keeps the parks looking stellar. I suppose, objectively, you might also say he’s…[furious blushing] insanely attractive.

[]

Bucky: Has Thor factored in to some of me and Steve’s kinkier role play fantasies? I couldn’t say. But I _can_ say that Steve and I are secure enough in our relationship to admit that we want Thor to [beep] us, [beep] us, and [beeping] [beep] us until we just can’t take anymore.

[]

[Thor guides Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes to a small parking lot beside the park, where an unkempt silver van is just pulling in.]

Thor: I am pleased to have you both join me this day. We have much to prepare for the coming winter, and many hands will make our work light.

Steve: Glad to be here. What’s first on the to-do list?

Thor: Our first mission has just arrived. Jane, my love, we are at your command!

[The driver’s side door of the van opens to reveal Dr. Jane Foster. She is petite and dark haired, dressed also in jeans but with a white lab coat. A pair of safety goggles is perched on her head.]

[]

Steve: Thor and Dr. Foster have been together forever. Thor actually moved here from…wherever he came from so that he could support Jane in her research. Dr. Foster has brought a lot of scientific notoriety to our local community. We’re really lucky to have her. …and her extremely handsome boyfriend.

[]

Bucky:[visibly pained] Thor’s commitment to that gorgeous, state funded biology researcher is the only thing standing between me and the all night three-way sex marathon of my dreams. And I…[clenches fist, then sighs deeply]…respect that. They’re super cute.

[]

Thor: My Jane is most impressive. She is renowned throughout the state for her thorough research and meticulous grant writing. [grins proudly] I am quite unworthy of her affections.

[]

Jane: Hi! [she reaches the group and embraces Thor briefly] You must be Thor’s volunteers.

Steve: [wrapping his arm around former Sergeant Barnes’ waist] That’s us. I’m Steve, and this is my husband Bucky. We’re big fans of your work here in America, Dr. Foster.

[Everyone shakes hands, and then Jane opens the side door of her van to reveal a great deal of scientific equipment.]

Thor: We are going to assist Jane in setting up her mobile lab. It is essential that she survey the amphibian population of Van Dyne pond for the environmental impact study she is working on.

Steve: What are we going to be doing, exactly?

Jane: We have to move all this really heavy stuff from here [points to a spot at the other end of the lawn] all the way over there.

Bucky: [cracking his knuckles] We got this.

[]

Bucky: Does my disability ever make physical labor difficult? I mean [indicates his incredibly advanced and sophisticated prosthetic] not really. Besides, I can bench some serious weight. Steve’s about two hundred pounds and I spend at least three nights a week holding him against a wall by his thighs.

Interviewer:…

Bucky: And that’s when he’s all slippery.

[]

Jane: Honestly? I could probably have done this myself. Heck, most of these tests I could do at the lab back at the University. [watches as Thor, Director Rogers, and Former Sergeant Barnes schlepp her equipment across the field, all in various states of sweatiness.] But this view is just too good to pass up.

[]

[By the pond, where Dr. Foster’s mobile lab is slowly coming together.]

Jane: Those tables should get set up here, and the microscopes can stay here with me for now…and be careful with that box of slides!

[Eventually the equipment is all set up. Dr. Foster has several tables with beakers, microscopes and a centrifuge. Former Sergeant Barnes is patiently holding a scale level with his metal arm as Dr. Foster calibrates it.]

Jane: There! All set. Thanks for your help guys. This will really speed things up.

[Dr. Foster gives Thor a peck on the cheek. He glows.]

Thor: It is our pleasure. [To his volunteers] We shall leave Jane to her work, as we have plenty of our own, and only so much daylight! Onward!

[]

[Thor climbs to the roof of the public restrooms to repair several damaged roof tiles. Meanwhile, Director Rogers and Sergeant Barnes are working on their first assignment: wrapping the small section of hedges near the playground. They have several lengths of canvas tarp, and former Sergeant Barnes holds an automated staple gun.]

Bucky:[brandishing the staple gun] C’mon Steve. Wrap it so I can tap it.

Steve: [struggling to pull a piece of tarp around the prickly shrub] You’re the worst.

Bucky: Please. I’m the best.

Steve: [smiling at his husband] You are the best. [The tarp tangles again]…But also the worst.

[Former Sergeant Barnes offers Director Rogers a sympathetic head nod and pats his ass comfortingly, while remaining completely unhelpful.]

[]

[Eventually all the hedges are covered. Sergeant Barnes is enjoying Director Rogers’ newly earned fresh pine-scent when Thor descends from the roof, his task complete.]

Thor: Excellent! The shrubbery will be well protected from the heavy snows this winter. Now, we proceed to the fence adjacent to the parking lot. There are several posts that have rotted and require replacing. But first, the tool shed!

[Thor disappears into the tool shed, handing out a few small handsaws and a tool used to dig holes for fence posts to Director Rogers, who in turn shares the load with former Sergeant Barnes. Finally, Thor emerges with the final tools necessary for their next task: two heavy rubber mallets. He hands one off to Director Rogers and hefts the other in a mock combat swing.]

Thor: It feels good, does it not? Nice and heavy in your hand.

[Director Rogers blushes and former Sergeant Barnes’ eyes get very round.]

[]

Steve: [watching Thor handle the large rubber mallet with ease while Bucky gapes]…That’s definitely a metaphor for something.

[]

Bucky: [watching Thor handle the large rubber mallet while _Steve_ gapes] The hammer… is his [beep].

Interviewer:…

[Former Sergeant Barnes leaves the interview to return to work.]

Interviewer: They’re gonna give me hell for that over in legal.

[]

[Back at the fence line, Thor and his volunteers have successfully removed the old rotted fence posts, and are positioning two of the new replacements.]

Thor: It is imperative that we keep the fence line level. Since you are relatively inexperienced at this task, you, Sergeant Barnes, should support the post while Director Rogers hammers it into place, ensuring it remains straight.

[Former Sergeant Barnes braces the post according to Thor’s instructions. Director Rogers gives the post a hesitant tap.]

Thor:[hammering his own post forcefully] Do not be afraid use your full strength, Director. Sergeant Barnes can endure the pounding.

[Former Sergeant Barnes grins.]

Steve: [sternly] Don’t you dare.

[]

Bucky:[laughing] I don’t even have to say it.

[]

[Director Rogers strikes the post a second time, this time with much more force and another blush.]     

[]

[Later. Thor leans on an empty wheel barrow while Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes deposit two large burlap sacks filled with autumn bulbs near a line of empty flower beds. Waiting on the ground are several small trowels and shovels.]

Thor: The crocuses will concentrate here, on the eastern beds, and then we shall blanket the far side of the restrooms with daffodils. Remember to deeply insert the bulbs, lest our sandy soil undermine the spring blooms. I shall haul the mulch to cover the beds while you plant.

[Thor wheels the wheelbarrow away to a large pile of red mulch waiting by the tool shed. Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes begin planting bulbs. Both park employees are soon covered in dirt.]

Bucky: Steve I don’t know if you inserted that one _deeply_ enough.

Steve: Buck-

Bucky: Like the man said, Stevie. You really gotta get your whole hand in there-

Steve: Oh my god-

[Former Sergeant Barnes plants a bulb in a sexual manner. The entendre is obscene enough to merit pixelating the accompanying hand motions.]

[]

Steve: [dazed] Things are getting a little out of control. I never knew landscape maintenance involved so many phallic objects. Or holes.

[]

Bucky:[grinning] Steve really did just intend this to be a day of volunteering, bless his heart. Me? I knew what I was getting into.

[]

Thor: [leaning on his wheelbarrow to watch as Director Rogers and Sergeant Barnes finish up with their planting] The volunteering is going very well. We will be well prepared for the coming winter, and I enjoy spending time with Director Rogers and his husband. [chuckles] I can tell that the former Sergeant Barnes believes me to be ignorant of his many sexual innuendos, though he could not be more wrong. I have taken great pains to invite their attentions. If given their consent and enthusiasm, I shall have them both this night.

Interviewer:…and by “have”, you mean…

[Thor just smiles and winks at the camera]

[]

[It is nearly five o’clock when Thor, Director Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes finally return all their equipment to the maintenance shed, sweaty but in good spirits. Thor passes around his water bottle, and slapping both men heartily on the back.]

Thor: A fine day’s work! Come, you must both join me at my residence for the evening. We shall feast, enjoy a cold ale-

Steve: Oh no, we couldn’t-

Bucky: Thanks pal, but-

Thor: -And have sex, until the first light of dawn summons us back to our places of employment.

[Director Rogers and Sergeant Barnes’ protests cease. The pair gapes at Thor, who looks inordinately pleased with himself.]

Steve: …what?

[]

Steve:[to Bucky] Is this happening? Is this _actually happening_??

Bucky: [shell shocked] Oh my god. Oh my god it’s happening.

[]

[Thor appears concerned when both Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes remain speechless.]

Thor: [looking hurt] Unless…you are not interested in having sex with me.

Steve/Bucky: [immediately] _No_!

Bucky: We _definitely_ want you to have sex with us.

Steve: But… what about Dr. Foster??

Thor:[laughing at the looks of aroused panic on Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes’ faces] Ah, I understand. Your concern is honorable, but all is well. My Jane has no interest in carnal relations. Ours is purely an intellectual attraction, accompanied only by kisses and the occasional sensual cuddle. As such she has welcomed me to seek out companions for my more sexual urges.

Bucky: So you two aren’t exclusive, uh, physically?

Thor: That is correct. Jane gave her approval of you both as potential bed partners some time ago. She only asks that we take pictures for all of our mutual enjoyment at a later date.

[Former Sergeant Barnes clutches at Director Rogers’ left pectoral, staring into the camera with what can only be described as shocked but joyful awe.]

[]

Bucky: [beep] yes, hell yes, [beep] _yes._

[]

Steve: [silently pumps his clenched fist]

[]

Thor:[calling to Jane] My love! I am accompanying these two fine volunteers back to my abode, that we may engage in a vigorous round of love making!

Jane: Sounds good!

Thor: You will text me when the samples finish dilating, yes? I am eager to hear your projection on our tadpole population for the coming year.

[Jane waves an affirmation, engrossed in her mobile lab.]

Thor:[smiling fondly towards Jane] Very well. Friends, let us be off. I live merely on Oak street, yonder.

[]

Jane:[adding blue liquid to a beaker from a medicine dropper]How does my boyfriend sleeping with other people make me feel? [rolling her eyes] Thor’s going to have sex with the hottest couple in municipal government. And he’s gonna bring me _pictures_.

[The contents of Dr. Foster’s beaker turn a sudden and violent orange as she grins at the camera.]

Jane: That shit’s going in a _scrapbook_.

[]

Thor: It shall be a fitting celebration of our day of labors. Both Steven and James are fine and worthy men, with asses that do not quit. [He takes a satisfying draught of his reusable water bottle, then toasts it to the heavens] All of Oak Street shall enjoy the sounds of our coupling!

Interviewer:[whispering] …Oh sweet Lord…

[]

_Tuesday_

[Back to work at the Parks Department offices. Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes are both back at their desks looking tired, but in a blissed out daze. Former Sergeant Barnes rests his head on his folded left arm, waving shyly at his husband through the open office door. Director Rogers blushes, but returns the former Sergeant’s wave, then blows him a kiss.]

[From across the room, both Bruce and Tony are staring, open mouthed. Sam is seen shrugging and raising his hands in the air through the blinds to he and Director Roger’s shared office.]

Bruce: So…did you and Steve have a good weekend?

Bucky: [sighing, starry eyed] Yeah…

[Bruce and Tony look at each other. Sam is shaking his head.]

[]

Sam: [head in hands] I don’t wanna know, I don’t wanna know, I don’t wanna know-

[]

Tony:[clicking a pen frantically on his desk] I wanna know _so_ bad _._ What the [beep] do they get up to?? And how? _Barnes_ I get, but Rogers? Rogers is _literally_ the most vanilla guy I know, and yet somehow he’s turning out to be the kinkiest son of a bitch I’ve ever met.

Bruce: By all accounts, it just doesn’t make sense.

[]

[Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes sit side by side behind Director Rogers’ desk, holding hands. They have declined separate interviews today.]

Interviewer: So how did things go with Thor?

Steve: I’d say it was very successful. Um…logistically, everything worked out. It was…you know…

Bucky: Dynamic.

Steve: Dynamic. Yes. That’s the word I was looking for. Thor definitely ah…asserted himself as the facilitator.

Interviewer:…any particular details you’d like to share?

Steve: [blushing] Maybe we shouldn’t-

Bucky: [at the same time] Thor [beeped] on my face and then he made Steve lick it off.

Interviewer:…

Steve:…

Bucky:…It was amazing.

[Director Rogers blushes, but shrugs in agreement, giving Sergeant Barnes a besotted kiss on the cheek.]

Steve: So… are you guys coming back for Columbus Day?


End file.
